$100 Note

It's a slow day in a dusty little Australian town. The sun is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

On this particular day a rich tourist from down south is driving through town, stops at the local motel and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

The Motelier gives him keys to a few rooms and as soon as the man walks upstairs, the owner grabs the $100 bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmer's Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his drinks bill  at the local pub.

The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit.

The hooker rushes to the motel and pays off her room bill to the  motel owner with the $100.

The motel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the $100 bill, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything.

However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the Australian Government's stimulus package works.

Ray Martin Go Away

I grow tired of the constant push to erode Australia History.

I see it in the beautiful old houses that get knocked down, cleared away to make room for the sake of greed . . . oh I mean for the sake of sub-dividing and building multi flats . . . oops, they are called apartments now.

I see it in the beautiful old building for the sake of . . . oh hells bells see the above reason.

And now, NOW Mr Ray Martin is pushing to change the Australia flag which is the oldest piece of history our beautiful Nation has.

Like the history or not, it is ours and we should use it to grow a better Nation and learn from past errors but not change the flag and pretend that will be OK for 'everything'.

The Australia flag is sacred, as is the flag of every Nation around the world.

Our flag must NOT be changed, it must NOT be used as a piece of something disposable.
Why is Mr Ray Martin so ashamed of our Nation and our flag, so much so that he pushes to change it.

Perhaps Mr Ray Mmartin needs to address is own 'ghosts' rather then use our proud Australian flag as his 'therapy'.

New World Survey . . . NOT!

NEW WORLD SURVEY


Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure because of the following:

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

In the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

And Finally . . .
   
In Australia they hung up because they can't understand an Indian accent.

Thomas The Tank Engine

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying,

'All of You B*****ds who want off, get the f**k off now, cause we're in a hurry! And all of you B*****ds who are getting on, get the f**k on, cause we're going down the tracks.'

The horrified mother went in and told her son,

'We don't Use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.'

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed Playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,

'All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for traveling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.'

She hears the little boy continue,

'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us Today'

As the mother began to smile, the child added..........

'For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen.'

Image courtesy http://www.dltk-kids.com

Who's On First?

If Abbott and Costello were alive today, their very famous Who's On First sketch may be very different in the age of computers:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office...

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on 'START'...

You Can Not Fix Stupid

Any one can place an advert in the paper or shout from their soap box, even 'stupid'.

Yeah right and milk comes from a carton!

This 'stupid' most likely votes and drives AND may have already reproduced ! ! !

Duck Season 2009 Is ON!

2009 Duck Season Announced

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Field and Game Australia Inc. fga@fga.net.au
Date: 2009/2/4
Subject: 2009 Duck Season Announced

Dear Duck Hunters,

MINISTER JENNINGS ANNOUNCES VICTORIAN GAMEBIRD SEASON

The Victorian Government has today announced a limited 2009 season. The 49 day season will start on Saturday 21 March and finish on Friday 8 May 2009.
The bag limit TOTAL is Five (5) birds per day of which at least three (3) must be wood ducks.

NOTE: Black Duck, Grey Teal, Chestnut Teal, Mountain Duck may be taken as long as your total of these species is not more than two birds per day.

NOTE: Pink Ear, Blue Wing Shoveller and Hard Head ducks are banned in 2009.
This is the shortest duck season every announced by the Victorian Government.

The Government's Press Release:

Media release
From the Minister for Environment and Climate Change
Wednesday, 4 February, 2009
MOST RESTRICTED VICTORIAN DUCK SEASON EVER
The shortest, most restricted duck season ever will be declared for Victoria to ensure that duck numbers remain sustainable into the future. Environment and Climate Change Minister Gavin Jennings today said he had considered advice
from the Department of Sustainability and Environment (DSE), which advised against a season and the Government’s Hunting Advisory Committee, which had proposed a less restricted season.

Mr Jennings said a 49 day season would run from Saturday March 21 to Friday May 8.

The Minister will seek detailed advice from DSE regarding the implementation of restrictions which form part of his announcement today. “Following a waterfowl count later this month, a number of key wetlands are likely to be closed
because they will provide refuges for breeding. These and other restrictions form part of the safeguards against over-harvesting of duck numbers,” Mr Jennings said.”

To further ensure duck populations are not adversely affected, recreational shooters will be
restricted to a maximum bag limit of five game ducks of which at least three must be Wood
Duck, with a total ban on the taking of Blue Wing Shoveller, Pink Ear and Hard Head.
In addition, duck hunters will be subject to a range of strong penalties up to $2685 for breaching
any one of the conditions.
“Recent high rainfall events in Queensland and New South Wales had increased the likelihood
of breeding events,” Mr Jennings said.
“Aerial counting across the eastern states shows the Game Duck Index in 2008 has increased
by more than 87 per cent from 2007 and the Wood Duck Index has increased by more than 84
per cent,” Mr Jennings said.
“The specific bag limit for wood ducks is partially due to the fact that the species is subject to
Authorities to ControlWildlife – permits available to landholders to protect crops and dams.
“Applications to the DSE from farmers to control wood ducks have increased significantly, almost
doubling since 2005 and increasing by more than 20 per cent compared to the previous year.
“These factors seem to indicate a growing numbers of wood ducks in Victoria. There will be an
extensive survey of wetlands across the State at the end of this month to determine which sites
are unsuitable for inclusion in the season.
“Many of our wetlands are already dry and will not be available for hunting. Other areas will be
identified through the summer waterfowl count as not being appropriate sites because they
contain significant numbers of fragile species or are breeding refuges.
“DSE will review refuge sites across the region closer to the commencement of the season to
determine which areas should be closed.
Media contact: Nick Talbot 03 9651 5799/0408 473 278 www.premier.vic.gov.au
“The timing of the review will ensure that the conditions of the chosen refuges are suitable for
the protection of waterbirds. These changes are aimed at protecting waterfowl not only in
Victoria, but across the whole of eastern Australia.
“Wood ducks feed on pasture and are therefore more likely to be found on farmland than in
wetland systems and all duck hunters must ensure they seek the permission of land owners
before entering private property.”


To View FGA's response Click Here...

The Victorian quail season commences Saturday 4 April and closes Tuesday 30 June 2009. The bag limit remains twenty (20) birds per day.
Happy and safe hunting...

Copyright 2002Field & Game Australia Inc. All rights reserved. Address: P.O. Box 464, Seymour 3660 Tel: 03 5799 0960 Fax: 03 5799 0961 Email: fga@fga.net.au

Getting Even

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet.

We didn't know what to call her so we named her "Pussycat."

The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her.

My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks." He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him.

My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye.

The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.

The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD's waiting room and office were full of people waiting to see the doctor.

A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive.

He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, "Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!" then he closed the door.

Now T H A T my friends, is getting even!

Link Exchange Requests

Hands up who is sick of getting these . . .

. . . you and me both!

I mean why do these people bother writing you a b$#* s%$# e-mail when you know darn well it's all lies, lies and more lies.

Take a look at this e-mail I received today:

[quote]

Dear Webmaster,

I have visited your site http://www.american-cocker-spaniels.com and found it quite impressive. John dearest this is NOT my site, it is a site belonging to a webring I once managed that has the HTML version of the webring code on the site and you got my e-mail address from the NavBar. If you wanted to contact the site owner you needed to write them on THEIR e-mail address found on THEIR site.

I am dealing with a site which is based on the same theme of yours and looking for high quality related sites who can give me link backs. Hells bells John I just don't see how THEIR site and your site are based on the same theme, but hey maybe I missed something. Be damned if I can find it! Me thinks you didn't even go to THEIR site John darling! My site is having a PR of 4 and if you will give me a link back then definitely our site will also get benefited.

This would be a win situation for both of us and I would really appreciate if you add my site with this information.

Link Details:

Title: Lap Band Surgery

URL: http://www.topsurgeons.com/

Description: TopSurgeons is a premier provider of surgical services on the West Coast. We offer Lap Band surgery, plastic surgery, cosmetic surgery and dermatology services. The Lap-Band surgery is proven highly effective in helping morbidly obese patients lose excess weight.

Thanks & Regards,
John B.
topsurgeons@dwtseo.com
http://www.topsurgeons.com/

[/quote]

John clearly didn't look at the site just wrote a standard e-mail asking for a link exchange. He lost any credibilty he may have had in writing lies, lies, lies!

I grow so tired of it all.

Wysong V Purina ~ A David and Goliath Battle

with permission:

Yes I work there, I am a nutrition tech and can say without a doubt Wysong wants to do best by the animals. Dr. Wysong writes and encourages raw feeding at every opportunity. Even if you don't feed it, don't plan to, don't want to, what is happening to Wysong is just WRONG! Many good dog foods have been ruined by the big guys buying them out, and while at this point, Purina/Nestle intends to try to make money off Wysong when they were using the procedure to enrobe
probiotics on their kibble foods for over 25 years - and they don't even use this supposedly invented technology in their own foods.

Wysong is the first probably of many they will try this with - to ruin them and force closure from legal fees or running them into the ground with their undeserved 'royalties'.

This affects all of us, from our choices of what to feed our pets, to their choice to hit when the economy is at its worse, possibly forcing more companies out of business and the loss of more jobs.

Read and pass on - Wysong needs all the support they can get!

www.wysong.net

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE - Wysong Corporation

Contact:

989.631.0009

989.631.9280

Wysong@Wysong.net

www.Wysong.net

Wysong vs Purina ~ A David and Goliath Battle

Midland, Michigan—Nestec S.A. (better known as Nestle), parentcompany of Purina, a pet food manufacturer based in St. Louis, Missouri, and Wysong Corporation, a health education and nutritional development company in Midland, Michigan, have filed suits against one another in the Eastern District Federal Court in Missouri.

The suits are related to a technology invented by Dr. Wysong in the early 1980's to enrobe pet and human foods with probiotics. These are health giving organisms, such as found in yogurt, that can boost the immune system, fight pathogens, produce nutrients and growth factors, and help digestion.

Although Wysong did not seek a patent, it has used the technology in both animal and human foods since the early 1980s. Due in large part to Wysong's educational efforts and product development, probiotics have become a part of the collective health consciousness of the public and food industry. Of late, many natural pet food companies have begun using Dr. Wysong's technology as well.

Nestle/Purina obtained a patent granted in 1999 for the same technology. To this date, however, Purina has not incorporated probiotics in its own products—although its patent describes in detail the many health benefits of probiotics. Instead, it is attempting to prevent Wysong and other companies from using
probiotics unless a licensing fee (tax) is paid to Purina.

A patent is not valid if the invention (prior art) exists in the public domain prior to the patent. The evidence of Wysong's prior art for over fifteen years before the 1999 Nestle patent was granted is, according to Wysong, incontrovertible and ample. In fact, in 2004 just a portion of Wysong's prior art evidence swayed a European
patent review board to deny Nestle/Purina a like European patent.

These facts have been repeatedly made known to, but ignored by Nestle/Purina. Purina's ultimatum is that Wysong either pay sales- based licensing fees (essentially, a tax) going back six years and forward into the future, or pay for expensive patent litigation that can run into the millions.

Wysong, a small family owned company, is unwilling to pay licensing fees to the multibillion dollar Nestle/Purina for what amounts to Wysong's own invention, and consequently now finds itself being sued by a company literally hundreds of times its size. Purina takes the position that since they were granted a patent they intend to enforce it and extract commissions from all natural pet food companies using probiotics.

Wysong argues that the patent should have never been granted by the United States Patent and Trademark Office, is invalid and unenforceable, and that any attempt by Purina to use the threat of litigation costs to force licensing fees is unethical and illegal.

Wysong publicized and used the technology in products distributed nationally for more than 15 years prior to the patent. Therefore, Wysong claims that the patent holders copied Wysong art and did not fulfill their duty to reveal this to the patent office when filing.

Thus, Wysong has either filed or is exploring the filing of claims against Purina for Sherman Act violations/patent misuse, misleading the United States Patent Office, failing to comply with the U.S. Patent Laws, including 35 USC §101-103, 111-113 and 133, improper attempts to monopolize the market, unfair competition, antitrust violations, false advertising under the Lanham Act, state claims for
deceptive trade practices, RICO violations, and punitive damages under the Clayton Act.

More is at stake than a giant company out muscling a small one. If Purina succeeds, they will, in effect, be imposing a tax on all companies who have followed Wysong's lead and now use probiotics. This tax will significantly increase the cost to manufacturers, distributors, and stores, as well as to consumers wanting to use
healthy pet foods. Over time, this could amount to hundreds of millions of dollars in increased costs for the natural pet food industry and their customers.

For updates and a lively forum, visit www.Wysong.net.

Company Policy For 2009

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.!

Enjoy the Holidays! Sincerely, The Management